The Minnesota Ballpark Crawl

 

The Minnesota Ballpark Crawl

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for June 1, 2025

We spent one action-packed weekend bouncing between two of Minnesota’s finest ballparks—without watching a single pitch. It started Thursday night at Target Field, where Thrivent gave us a full tour, hot dogs, and the rare chance to stand on the field like we owned the place.

We’re not big baseball fans, but a behind-the-scenes Target Field tour sounded fun. I faked enthusiasm to the mascot like a pro—it’s all in the eyes and delivering a confident look like you’ve got season tickets and strong opinions about bullpen depth.

Some parts of the tour were surprisingly fascinating—like learning Target Field has nearly 15 miles of beer tubing pumping cold brews from massive keg rooms to fans across the stadium. It’s basically the ballpark’s circulatory system—with way more foam.

Since the Twins are in season, their locker room was off-limits—but we did get to tour the visitor’s digs. It had plenty of space, nice leather chairs, and just enough “you’re only here for three nights, don’t unpack” energy to keep it humbling.

We got to explore the press room, broadcast booths, dugouts, and even step onto the field—just not the grass. Apparently, that was a step too far. Seems a little fussy for turf that’s about to be spit on and stomped by 20 guys in cleats.

On Saturday, we kicked off summer the best way we know how—by hitting GrillFest at CHS Field with the Korkowskis. No baseball, just sunshine, endless samples, and enough booze and burgers to make us forget the field normally hosts professional athletes.

Back in the day, GrillFest used to teach you how to sear a steak without setting your deck on fire. Now it’s more like a pregame for a Jimmy Buffett concert. The grills are gone, the booze is flowing, and if you can operate tongs, you're probably overqualified.  It should probably be rebranded to BoozeFest.

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The 2025 NBA Western Conference Finals - Game 3

 

The 2025 NBA Western Conference Finals - Game 3

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for May 26, 2025

We took Grandma Linda in for a heart procedure this week, and we’re so grateful everything went well. She’s now resting, recovering, and already making plans to get back to her usual routine. Thanks to everyone who sent prayers, good vibes, and positive thoughts our way.

We hit karaoke night at the Savage Legion with the Browns and the Zitzewitzes—mellow crowd, but we weren’t about to let that slide. A few power ballads, some off-key harmonies, and we managed to jolt the place just enough to remind them it was, in fact, still Wednesday.

Friday night found us in the Groovy Room with Robert and Linda Herubin—spinning Beatles and other classic vinyl, sipping drinks by candlelight, and losing at cribbage like it was a contact sport.

We opened the boating season on Prior Lake like true Minnesotans—grinning through the cold like it’s totally normal to need a hoodie in late May. The water was smooth, the vibes were high, and if this is how summer starts, we might actually survive the rest of the year.

We planned a quiet couple of hours on the lake, then Luke and his crew showed up and suddenly we were hosting Spring Break Prior Lake Edition—with less tequila and more SPF 50.

We kicked things off in Mud Bay near Bird Island—where the sky’s full of squawking birds and the trees are basically a feathered maternity ward gearing up for mass baby bird takeoff. It’s nature’s version of airport chaos, only everyone’s flying standby and pooping midair.

The kids don’t get why we’re obsessed with Bird Island, but come on—these babies look like angry cotton balls that just stuck a fork in an outlet and are now screaming for snacks. What’s not to love?

We were at the Target Center on Saturday night for Game 3 of the NBA Western Conference Finals, cheering on the Timberwolves after two rough losses in OKC. The crowd was electric, the shirts were free, and we were fully committed to yelling them back into the series—and it actually worked.

We spotted the ESPN crew before tipoff—Stephen A. Smith, Kendrick Perkins, and the rest looking overly confident that the Thunder were about to go up 3-0. You could practically hear the takes loading. Let’s just say by the end of the night, that confidence had left the building.

We arrived early to watch the players warm up, and Rudy Gobert stood out—locked in and laser-focused. After underwhelming performances in Games 1 and 2, it was clear he was determined to make a bigger impact in Game 3. His intensity during warm-ups signaled he was ready to change the narrative.

Chet Holmgren’s a Minnesota kid I’ve been rooting for since he was in high school. Love his game—just not when he’s swatting our shots and sinking threes in a Thunder jersey. Let’s just say it’s tough cheering for the hometown hero when he’s trying to ruin your night.

We were watching Terrence Shannon Jr. warm up before the game, not expecting much—he'd barely played in the playoffs. Then he came off the bench and dropped 15 points in 13 minutes, outscoring every Thunder starter. Safe to say, we weren’t the only ones caught off guard.

We were hoping for a strong start to the game and weren’t disappointed—34 points in the first quarter and the Wolves looked like they were done playing from behind. The energy was different, the crowd felt it, and even the Thunder looked like they knew it wasn’t going to be their night.

Shai Gilgeous-Alexander may have just been crowned MVP, but in Minnesota he’s better known as the league’s top flopper. The crowd let him have it with chants of “free throw merchant” during Game 3—and for once, he couldn’t flop his way out of this one.

Anthony Edwards was our MVP on Saturday night—thirty points, nine rebounds, six assists, and he sat the entire fourth quarter. He outscored the Thunder 16–14 by himself in the first quarter and set the tone for the blowout. The kid’s not just a star—he’s a problem for the opposition.

The Timberwolves dominated Game 3 of the Western Conference Finals with a 143–101 beatdown of the Thunder, slicing the series to 2–1. Game 4 is tonight at Target Center—and let’s be clear, we’re not hopeful. We know they’ll keep this rolling straight to the NBA Finals.

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Clear Lake, Full Sun, Can’t Golf

 

Clear Lake, Full Sun, Can’t Golf

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for May 11, 2025

On Saturday, I rolled back into Clear Lake to catch up with a couple of my high school buddies — Krazy Kory Madson and Jammin’ Jason Davis. We stood by the lake, soaked in the sun, and swapped stories, updates, and a few unsolicited observations about the current size of my midsection. We even got into some of the medical curveballs life’s been throwing lately — because that’s what happens when your friendships survive the awkward years, the wild years, and whatever this stage is supposed to be.

For some reason, the guys thought it’d be fun to reconnect over golf — which is bold, considering it’s a sport I’ve officially accepted I’ll never be even remotely average at. Thankfully, they picked Oak Hills, my favorite course mostly because the holes are short and so is the humiliation. I used to think I’d improve with age, but in my case, golf skill peaked around the time Nintendo was still making cartridges. Still, we had an absolute blast playing 18 holes, talking about everything from the present to the past — and occasionally, I even hit a fairway.

While we were out on the course, I happened to stumble across this tree and plaque honoring Matt Amos — an old friend I’d often run into when I came back to Oak Hills. I didn’t know this memorial had been placed here, and seeing it stopped me in my tracks. Life moves fast, and it doesn’t always give you a heads-up when it’s about to change. But it was comforting to stand there, in the sunshine, remembering a good guy in a place he loved. We don’t always get to say goodbye, but sometimes we get a quiet reminder to be grateful for the time we had.

After golf, we grabbed lunch at The Other Place — my favorite hometown spot — and were surprised to be served by Olivia, Matt Amos’s daughter. She’s kind, quick with a smile, and it was genuinely nice seeing her. I went with my usual: the grinder. A hot, cheesy masterpiece packed with seasoned meat and melted nostalgia. Some meals just taste like home.

Another highlight this week was checking out the new ScreenX setup at Marcus Southbridge Crossing Cinema in Shakopee. ScreenX is a 270-degree panoramic viewing experience that extends select scenes onto the side walls of the auditorium, creating an immersive environment that surrounds you with visuals beyond the traditional screen. We saw Thunderbolts, which was... fine. But when the ScreenX kicked in, it was like the movie suddenly remembered it had a budget. The side walls lit up with action, pulling me into the scenes in a way that standard screens just can't. It wasn’t used throughout the entire film, but when it was, it added a cool layer to the experience. I’m curious to see how this technology evolves, especially with films that aren't another Marvel superhero rehash.

Extending the week’s theme of reconnecting, I grabbed lunch Thursday with a couple of Oracle comrades I hadn’t seen in months — Will Easton and George Petruck. In just 45 minutes, we caught up on old times, solved at least three global crises, and welcomed our new Pope from Chicago. Not bad for one plate of brisket and some overdue laughs.

Thursday night, we hit Game 2 of the Wolves vs. Warriors playoff series — and after the flaming disaster that was Game 1, expectations were… cautiously grim. Steph Curry was out with a hamstring strain, but Golden State still somehow managed to look terrifying in Game 1. Inside the arena, though, the vibe was electric — whiteout shirts everywhere, fans locked in, and the kind of playoff energy that makes you forget how much you paid for parking. There’s just something about being in a packed arena that turns even casual fans into die-hard screamers with popcorn in their laps and hope in their hearts.

It was Luke’s turn to join me for the game, and he came ready. He loves the Wolves almost as much as I do — which is saying something, considering how many years of heartbreak we’ve both powered through. We showed up geared up and ready to scream our lungs out for the home team, and the free playoff shirts waiting on our seats didn’t hurt either. Nothing bonds a father and son quite like yelling at millionaire athletes in matching shirts, hoping this is finally the year it all comes together.

We were thrilled to join the chorus of boos every time Jimmy Butler touched the ball. Once a fan favorite during his brief stint with the Timberwolves, Butler's departure left a sour taste. After requesting a trade in 2018, he reportedly lashed out at teammates and the front office during a practice session, leading to his eventual trade to the Philadelphia 76ers . His exit set the franchise back a few years, and his pattern of forcing trades has continued throughout his career. So, when he stepped onto the court at Target Center, the boos were not just expected—they were cathartic.

Draymond Green hasn’t exactly been beloved in Minnesota since he put Rudy Gobert in a headlock back in November 2023 — a move that earned him a five-game suspension and permanent villain status in Target Center. The crowd was relatively chill toward him at first, but once he nailed Naz Reid with a flying elbow and picked up yet another technical, the gloves came off. “Draymond sucks” echoed through the arena every time he touched the ball. Meanwhile, across the court, I spotted a guy watching pregame warmups through a pair of Apple Vision Pros like he was waiting for a virtual Draymond redemption arc. Spoiler alert: not happening.

Unfortunately, the one Golden State guy we all tend to actually like was in street clothes. Steph Curry injured his hamstring in the second quarter of Game 1, which meant no jaw-dropping threes or logo heat checks in Game 2. And yeah, that sucks — because as much as we want the Wolves to win, it’s way more satisfying when you take down the best at full strength. Steph’s arguably the greatest shooter the game’s ever seen, and the series just feels a little dimmer without him lighting it up. Hopefully he gets a shot to come back before it’s all said and done.

I found this both fascinating and borderline insane — Crunch climbing what had to be at least a 30-foot tower of ladders just to hype up the crowd. The man (or whatever's inside that suit) risked life and fluffy tail to get us loud, and it worked. But seriously, how is this allowed? I was equally entertained and one shaky rung away from filing an incident report in my head.

Anthony Edwards came out looking like a man on a mission in Game 2 — which makes sense, considering he basically ghosted the first half of Game 1. He dropped 20 points, snagged 9 rebounds, and even limped off at one point just to give the Warriors a little hope before jogging back in like, “Relax, I’m fine.” The Wolves built a 25–7 lead early and never looked back.  They won 117 - 93 to tie the series at 1 game each. Edwards may not have lit up the stat sheet, but he set the tone — and reminded everyone whose team this really is.

Today, the kids and I took Miss Sheri and Grandma Linda out for a well-earned Mother's Day brunch — because if anyone deserves a royal treatment (and a break from pretending we’re low-maintenance), it’s these two incredible women. Their strength, kindness, and ability to put up with us day after day is nothing short of heroic. Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing moms out there — we literally wouldn’t be here without you.

Kentucky Derby, Minnesota Style

 

Kentucky Derby, Minnesota Style

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for May 4, 2025

On Saturday, Miss Sheri and I made our annual pilgrimage to the classiest place in Shakopee with a betting window — Canterbury Downs — to celebrate the Kentucky Derby the only way we know how: surrounded by strangers in wild hats, pretending we understand horse racing, and hoping the drinks hit before the losses do.

We’ve been coming to Canterbury Downs for decades, and it never disappoints. The place knows how to throw a party — especially on Derby Day. While they don’t kick off their live racing season until May 24, the Kentucky Derby celebration still brings in a packed crowd, themed activities, and enough excitement to make you wish the horses were running a little early.

It feels like the crowd for this event gets bigger every year — which makes it a blast when everyone’s cheering at the same time for a horse race happening on a giant screen in the middle of the field. The only downside? The bar lines are starting to feel like their own endurance event. I came here to place bets, not survive a hydration crisis.

We were lucky to run into these two stylish ladies — Heidi Wojahn and Diane Ball — who brought great energy and even better Derby fashion. Always a treat to see familiar smiles in a crowd this big.

One of my favorite parts of Derby Day is seeing how far people take the fashion. The hats were absolutely unhinged in the best way — towering feathers, flowers, miniature horses… you name it. They even held a “Best Hat” contest, and while the finalists brought the heat, a little girl ended up winning the top prize. Cute? Sure. Deserved? Debatable. Personally, we thought the woman on the right should’ve walked away with the crown — or at least a neck brace.

Between races, the crowd got treated to a performance by Pop Rocks — a high-energy band that reminded me a lot of Hairball, just with more costume changes and slightly less pyro. I especially enjoyed the guy channeling Ozzy Osbourne; he had the look, the snarl, and even the bat-free stage presence. Founded in 2006, Pop Rocks rotates singers impersonating music legends from Katy Perry to Garth Brooks, with over 30 wild costume changes in a single show. Honestly, it felt like karaoke night at Comic-Con — and I mean that in the best way possible.

Then this happened — and my inner 20-something just about lost it. When the Pop Rocks performer stepped out in full Britney Spears mode, red bodysuit and all, it was like being dropped straight into a late-'90s music video flashback. I’ve always been a big Britney fan, so this one hit me right in the nostalgia. And yeah... I may or may not have mouthed the words “hit me baby one more time.”

For the first time, we got a good look at the new amphitheater rising behind Canterbury — and it’s already looking impressive. Set to open in summer 2025, the venue will seat up to 19,000 and host 30 to 45 concerts a year, operated by Live Nation. With Canterbury Park, Valleyfair, Mystic Lake, and the Renaissance Festival all in shouting distance, Shakopee’s about to go from “pretty fun” to “pack your weekend bag.”

Before long, it was time for the big event — the 151st running of the Kentucky Derby. We all gathered around the giant screen like it was the Super Bowl of horses, and it didn’t disappoint. Journalism looked like it had it in the bag, but Sovereignty came storming down the stretch and stole the glory. A muddy track, a dramatic finish, and a jockey who'd recently been hospitalized… you couldn’t script it better unless you were trying to win an Emmy. Horse racing might be chaos, but it's thrilling chaos.

Like I do far too often these days, I asked ChatGPT how to bet $20 on the Derby in a way that balanced safe picks with a few wild long shots. I’d love to say my strategy crushed it… but the real winner was Miss Sheri. She copied the structure but picked her own horses — including Sovereignty and Journalism — and hit an exacta box and an across-the-board bet. She walked away $94 richer, and since we only wagered around $50 total, that made us official Canterbury winners. Thank you, artificial intelligence. You may not have picked the horses, but you definitely helped pick the winner.

We keep spotting this adult and juvenile bald eagle pair along the creek near our house. They’ve been hunting in the area for weeks, and I can’t stop stalking them like some kind of feathered paparazzi. I know eagles are a lot more common these days, but when I was a kid, they were practically mythical — endangered and almost never seen in the wild. So yeah… every time I see one, it still stops me in my tracks.

This was the closest I’ve gotten to one in a while — close enough to feel like he was silently judging me for not having wings or a better zoom lens. I’d say it was majestic, but honestly, he looked like he was moments away from filing a restraining order.

And just like that, the sun sets on another chaotic, colorful, and oddly bird-obsessed week in our lives. Whether it’s betting long shots, stalking eagles, or reliving our Britney years at the racetrack, we somehow keep finding ways to make the most out of Minnesota spring. See you next week—same time, less sanity.